late night squee!
I know a lot of people are gonna be like, “HEY, WHY ISN’T LENO A SLYTHERIN?!” but to me, out of all the working late night hosts, David Letterman most exemplifies the qualities of Slytherin house — cunning, wit, ambition, all that stuff. Leno is probably a Slytherin, all right, but he’s more like a Dolores Umbridge. The rest are completely obvious. Conan is clearly a Gryffindor — actually, he might even be a long-lost Weasley. Jon Stewart is the most Ravenclaw of them all; wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure and all that. And Jimmy Fallon is clearly a Hufflepuff. Come on.
Fuck yeah Jimmy’s a Hufflepuff.
There is no more win than this.